Look Hard & Find Success

Weekends are always hard on weight loss.  Yesterday we went to an event and I knew I would have some challenges.  I packed a lunch.  I knew after a 2 hour drive that we would arrive at lunchtime.  I didn't want to be tempted to eat any of the high calorie foods that were available.  I got really hungry by late afternoon when we were headed home but held off with a granola bar.  Then we were almost home when we decided to stop and get something for supper.

The place we stopped at didn't have the best menu and I was totally wiped out from being in the warm sun all day.  I didn't have the best choice (halibut sandwich and fries) but I would normally have had the large shake and this time I got the small one.  I actually considered this a success.  It was proof that I modified something even if it was really small.  Anyway, I'm gonna register that as a success and move on.  I didn't have anything else for the rest of the day.  Focusing on the good thing I did, albeit very small, helped me avoid the "throw in the towel" syndrome.

I'm OK

One of the things I struggle with is body image.  I have this personal theory that everyone within their lifetime (and the earlier the better) needs to define for themselves "what is enough"? I've done a good job with this in everything except for things related to my body.  Now understand that I'm not knocking my head against any walls because I think I'm lacking, but I'm not very accepting of myself either.  All I see are the problems.  I fail to love and appreciate the things that are "enough".  As I get older, it has become more and more glaring that there are certain things I am going to have to accept.

Something that happened was a bit of an eye opener for me.  I started watching "Dr. 90210" on Netflix.  When I started out, my opinion was that I would never have plastic surgery.  The risks are too great.  After a few shows, I decided that maybe if money wasn't an issue, I'd consider taking care of the saggy skin under my chin. Soon a brow lift seemed reasonable.  About a week later I realized that I was in desperate need of a boob lift.  And what good is that without a tummy tuck?  I always wished I didn't have a flat butt and now they were fixing that too.  My list of things that needed fixed went from a blank page to a huge list.  And the only thing that happened was I watched this show that kept telling me I was defective.

No, I'm not defective.  I'm OK . . . and you are too.

Improvements

I've made it through my first 3 days of "officially trying".  I can see improvements in my actions and my thinking.  I decided to wear my "See Beautiful" bracelet so that when I look at it I am reminded to treat myself well.  And by that I mean not over stuffing my body!  It helps with my mindfulness anyway.  I also went down on the scale this morning.  Might be a fluke, you just never know.  Anyway, I feel like I'm off to a REAL start!

Mindfulness

I'm trying to exist (eat) in a state of mindfulness.  One of my problems, as I said yesterday, is that I put food in my mouth so quickly that I don't even have time to process a thought.  So I am trying to THINK about what I'm doing.  I've caught myself in the past thinking that I'd better eat a certain thing very quickly before the guilt can set in.  What the hell is up with that?  I need to pay attention to what I'm thinking.  Being quick might help when pulling off a band-aid but no good can come of it when eating!

The other thing I'm doing is I'm reducing the amount of food I eat, the "off chart" stuff (I measure everything else on a scale in grams).  For example, I was at Costco yesterday and I usually would hit nearly all of the samples.  Yes, I know every bite counts but often I don't count these bites and anyone who has ever been to Costco KNOWS that it can quickly and easily add up to hundreds of extra calories!  Anyway, I was more selective in what I sampled and only ate a bite instead of the whole sample.  Still "unauthorized" calories but an improvement nonetheless.  I'm working on improving and "tightening up" my bad habits.

Anyway, it's a start.  I was having trouble getting started.  I have now officially started trying.

Mind Over Matter

Weight loss is a mind game.  Really, if it was a physical thing then it would be a snap.  But it's my mind that MAKES me eat when I'm not really hungry and it's my mind that MAKES me choose things that aren't nutritionally good choices!  It's mind over matter . . . if you don't mind then it doesn't matter!

So I really need to pay attention to what I am thinking about when I eat.  Usually I just eat something so fast I don't have a second to even ponder the idea of what might be going through my head.  But I am going to give it every effort to be in control of my mind instead of letting my mind be in control of me.  And another thing I need to remember . . . it's only food.  Maybe I should have bolded that one . . . it's only food!

UGH!

Here I go again . . . I am tired of the sound of my own voice saying I NEED to lose weight, I NEED to REALLY start trying.  Blah, blah, blah . . .  I feel like the wicked witch melting when water was poured on her . . .  Helllllllloooo!  Yup, just what I thought.  There's an echo . . .

So here's the deal.  I'll continue tracking what I'm eating and REALLY be accurate.  And I will TRY to not eat unless I am actually hungry.  That's gonna be a tough one.  Am I desperate enough to take a photo of everything I eat?  Well hell-to-the-yes I am  but I don't think I'll take that step just yet.  Sigh . . .